My Influencer Journey: From Imposter Syndrome to Artistic Evolution

Take a deep breath. Exhale gently through your mouth. Okay, here goes nothing.

Here's the story of my influencer journey, an unfiltered account of how I stumbled into the spotlight, battled imposter syndrome, and ultimately discovered my true self. Join me as I pull back the curtains on my past, sharing the highs and lows that shaped me into the fine art photographer I am today.

The Unexpected Beginnings

Non descript streetstyle shot captured in Downtown Los Angeles

From the beginning of my former blog, MYBELONGING, I never saw myself as an influencer. Telling others what to do, what to buy, or how to live their lives was never my forte. Somehow, I became a trailblazer in the fashion, menswear, and lifestyle world, a twist of fate that triggered imposter syndrome right from the start. I weathered through the pandemic grasping onto the remnants of what I once was. I’ve always, simply wanted to be seen and heard. It’s so insane how those two things can compel someone like me to start writing and pouring their heart out into the stories that made me feel whole. Deep down, I just wanted a steady group of supportive friends, a romantic companion for myself and other underdogs/outliers that have never felt like they quite belonged. That was the impetus behind the blog - I just wanted to feel like I belonged. For once.

The Allure of Recognition

When my blog began to gain traction around the early 2010s and was recognized by major media outlets, I was on cloud nine. Everything felt so light, so breezy, so enticing. The wind was beneath me so to speak. It felt so validating to be validated. It was like a big middle finger to all of my high school bullies, to frenemies that never *truly* believed in me (hah, you guys know who you are), and to vindictive, abusive exes who demonized me. The first few years of MYBELONGING I felt like I truly had it all. I finally had my own shiny beacon of what I thought was “success.” I began to envelope myself with this newfound fame. I felt invincible, quite frankly. It was a level of confidence that I had never experienced before.

Fading Community

On camelback in the depths of the Sub-Saharan region of Morocco

In the early aughts of blogging, particularly fashion blogging, there was a certain fervor and community that I really gravitated toward. It was all about embracing one’s identity and self-expression. I remember strongly resonating with genderless and unconventional dressing at the time. I went on record, multiple times, to defend the position of why men should wear skirts. Fast forward to the present, I feel much of that community building and sense of camaraderie has been lost in a sea of noise. I find it incredibly hard these days to resonate with the type of fashion content that lives on our feeds - it feels like a regurgitation of what’s been done before. We do not need to keep bringing certain eras back. We can stay relevant in the present. Suffice to say, the community is not what I recognize anymore.

Front row at fashion weeks. Believe this one was taken at one of the few memorable New York Fashion Week - Men’s shows.

Pressure to Thrive

Ironically, my initial years were financially and emotionally taxing. Juggling a dead-end marketing job with an exhausting commute, I struggled to monetize my readership. Losing that job felt like a cosmic nudge, pushing me toward my lifelong dream of full-time blogging. Despite the hardships, I persevered, taking whatever brand collaborations came my way. Slowly, my hard work paid off, leading to significant six-figure earnings and luxurious travel experiences.

The tea room that went viral

The Facade Cracks

In the beginning, working with brands felt like the ultimate dream. I kept telling myself that this is it - I’d reached a pinnacle. I was attending shows front row across Europe, from Milan to Stockholm, taking on year-long ambassadorships with brands like Uber among others, and traveling all around the world. I was riding on cloud nine and I had no intention of disembarking. Then the pandemic hit. It was then that the creator burnt out and finally caught up to me. Luxury fashion and lifestyle were so strongly embedded in me, still. But during the pandemic, I just knew in my gut it was no longer for me. I still love fashion on my own terms; just not on a cycle of seasons and collections. I decided to make a passion pivot toward interior design. At the time, this felt so right. I had just purchased and remodeled my first home right before the peak pandemic, and I found it natural to share the before/afters and how my space inspired my own creativity. Little did I know that my tea room would be featured in Architectural Digest, Domino, and Apartment Therapy. I started to take on brand partnerships in the home decor arena and that further led me down into the same rabbit hole. I felt so reduced to nothing but a number. I was hounded for my analytics, my reach, and my impressions per post further deepening the pain of being nothing more than a statistic. I know some of you might be reading this and your eyes rolled all the way to the back - because this might be the epitome of first-world problems. And in many ways, it is. I take full ownership of that.

Out in the wild to capture my next landscape collection - hint, it will be an oceanic one

Embracing the Present

Today, I stand at a crossroads, carrying the wisdom of my journey forward. Weight gain, changing tastes, and a desire for genuine self-expression guide my path. I no longer chase fleeting trends or superficial partnerships. Instead, I focus on the authenticity that has always driven me.

As the final pages of this chapter turn, I embrace the lessons learned and the evolution I've undergone. Change is inevitable, and my journey from imposter syndrome to empowerment is a testament to that. In this in-between phase, I face the constant debate between action and inaction, seeking to maintain momentum without sacrificing my authenticity.

Recent decisions, like investing in a professional printer for my studio, reflect my commitment to owning my craft and creative journey. I've come to understand that evolution is the essence of life, and my journey is far from over. With every decision I make, I steer my ship towards a future that's true to me, a future where I own every facet of my identity.

So there you have it—the unfiltered tale of my influencer journey, complete with highs, lows, and an unwavering commitment to authenticity. Join me in embracing change, celebrating our unique paths, and owning every step we take toward a brighter, more genuine future.

In the studio with Self Portrait limited edition print for my next exhibition showcase

So what happens now? Where do we go from here? I hope you to make all of you proud. Stay tuned to find out!